Each person's reaction to the death of a loved one is unique. That may sound cliche, but it's true. The relationship you had with that specific person was unique, what they meant to you was unique, the circumstances of their death was unique. And because of this, your grief for them is unique, like a fingerprint. No two alike.  

Grieving someone you loved can feel very different from grieving someone who you had a long history of strife with. Grieving a child can be very different from grieving a spouse. All are important. And all are worthy of support.

Professionals will often use words to specify types of grief in order to describe patterns and themes that are common when certain circumstances occur. You may feel like you fit into a type of grief, but yours also may not. And that is perfectly okay.

For example, if you have debilitating symptoms and are consistently feeling hopeless, detached or completely consumed by the loss for years afterward, you might be having a prolonged or complicated grief reaction. This would be totally understandable given the nature of your relationship or how the person died. 

If you lost your loved one to a violent death, or had other devastating circumstances, you might be consumed with traumatic grief. This incredibly painful ordeal could include PTSD-like symptoms such as flashbacks, nightmares, severe physical symptoms like shaking or difficulty breathing, or dissociation. 

All these types of grief, and more, are completely understandable. And there are ways to help that will work for you. If you feel your grief is becoming too much, it's time to give me a call. 

my approach to
grief counseling

My first years as a clinician were spent as a grief counselor for my local hospice organization. This also happened to be at the height of the COVID-19 pandemic. Grief was all around me, and all around us.

And the first thing about grief that I learned, was how much it inspired me. I did my graduate thesis on working with grief because I was so moved by the complicated, beautiful, ugly, raw and gritty experiences of my clients. And how it changed me, not just as a professional but as woman.

Every one of those grievers is part of my work now. Their grief, their process, their healing is in the room with me each time I sit across from someone new. 

If you are a grieving parent, all those grieving parents who came before, who lost their children to suicide, car accidents, homicide, illnesses and overdoses are there with you too. 

If you lost your parent, all those grieving children (adults & teens) are with us too. They are learning what it means to be a bereaved daughter or son, what it means to not have that parent at their graduations, weddings, and birthdays. 

If you lost your spouse, all the widows & widowers are in the room with us. This includes the ones who lost their soulmate, their chosen family, just as much as the ones who's last words were an argument, or who had complicated or difficult marriages.

I look forward to working together toward a life of meaning, connection and growth. 

is your grief normal?

There are no right or wrong ways to grieve. If you are the parent of a teen you may notice that your child is acting differently than before. Some teens might struggle to talk about the death or begin to isolate- staying in their room to listen to music, sleeping, or endless streaming. Some teens might act out their grief by staying out late, yelling, skipping school, slamming doors, or increasing high-risk behaviors. It's common for teens to spend more and more time with friends, and they may choose the support of friends because family relationships are strained or overwhelming. 

It's hard to know what to say, how to support them, or what they need. Or maybe your own grief is getting the best of you.  

Teens need outlets to express themselves, places where they can be listened to without judgment, and open and honest conversations about life and death. They need to reestablish order and a sense of control in their world. They need to access to symbolic, creative, and expressive ways to process their loss. 

Peer support groups can be extremely helpful. But for some teens that isn't quite enough. If you are worried about your teen, or could use some help, book a consultation with me right away. We can work together to stop your teen's healthy grief from turning into anxiety, depression or something more serious. If you're already concerned about their mental health, it's never too late. I'm here to help. 

supporting your grieving teen

Are you reeling from shock, sadness or disbelief , waiting for your loved one to call? Do you see them in the face of random strangers? Hear their voice in the other room? It's a wonder how they could have been in your life in one instant, and now completely gone in the next. Are you finding yourself unexpectedly angry? Crying uncontrollably? Or just numb?

Because of this loss you might be unable to go to work, or to answer calls or texts from friends & family. You feel like you are living in the twilight zone while the rest of the world keeps moving on. 

Grief can be a complicated vortex of emotions and experiences. In one moment you may be perfectly fine, and the next you are swept into an emotional intensity you've never experienced. It's unfair, and it's exhausting. 

Whether you knew the loss was coming, or it was a complete shock, trying to adjust to a new reality takes time. Perhaps it's time now to get some much needed support, so that you can finally find your way through this. 

are you in the grips
of grief?

My approach to grief is first to believe that it is natural, and even beyond that, that it is necessary in order to have a meaningful life. My job is to actually help you grieve fully, get you unstuck from what is keeping you from this most sacred experience, and come out the other side.

Grief counseling can be difficult. We will talk about the person who died, and you will share with me the relevant details of your relationship.
 
I will help you work through accepting the reality of the loss. And work through the constellation of pain that accompanies it. We will talk, there may be tears. We might write, draw, listen to music, or go on walks. The wisdom of your grief and my professional experience will guide us.

We'll figure out a way for you to adjust to your new life. You might need to learn new skills, or stretch into a new self you didn't know was possible. We'll seek out meaning and lay the groundwork for new routines to get you through the days.

And amidst it all we'll figure out what connection with the deceased feels right to you. Are there rituals, ceremonies, or even creative endeavors to explore?

Grief isn't meant to be experienced alone. If you are feeling isolated, stuck or could use a helping hand, its time to reach out.